Rhonda's A 'Muse'-ing Rambles

Life and Times of a Busy Woman

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Dear Mom

Posted by Range Officer Rhonda on May 8, 2008

Dear mom,

 

I felt I had to write you a letter today, it’s been so long since we talked. There are so many things I have wanted to tell you, and just haven’t been able to say them to you.

 

I’ve tried so hard to live up to your expectations and be the person I think you would like me to become. Your examples over the years – patience, wisdom, understanding, frugalness, caring for others, working hard and playing hard as well – have provided me a foundation for living my life.

 

I know I more than once exclaimed in that dramatic way of teen daughters that I would never be like my mom. What was I thinking? I don’t have to do the same things or even like the same things to be a good person like you were.

 

I promised you I would take care of things when you were gone, especially helping dad. And now, now I think I’m failing you and I feel so bad. When you left us, not only did I lose my mother, but I lost my best friend. Your friend Betty called me today, she wants to know why I am letting my oldest brother take over dad’s care and spending all dad’s money and forcing the nursing staff to allow no visitors. Dad’s in a prison in his own mind, mom, and part of it is my fault since I finally turned care of him over to the boys.

 

Yes, I know you woke me up when you visited me in a dream. I wanted to talk to you longer and you wouldn’t stay – you told me to wake up because my house was on fire. I wish you could have stayed and spoke longer, there is so much I want to share.

 

The flowers you sent to Todd – yes, mom, everyone knew they came from you. I’m curious how you did that – how did you put snap dragons in that empty pot on his patio?

 

And dad knows you were there in the hospital with him when he had his heart attack – he’s not the only one who saw you. You kind of scared a few people because they think your visits are creepy. But I believed the nurse when she described you to me, and I believe dad when he says you were there.

 

I didn’t cry at your funeral mom, just like you asked. I was strong for dad and the boys and all your friends. I know I promised you a lot of things and I told you not to fight so hard anymore – that it was OK for you to stop feeling the pain and leave us. But mom, I just can’t take it anymore. I have to cry. I just can’t do all the things you wanted me to do. All I can do now, is be the me you raised me up to be.

 

Love to you and all the other angels in heaven, Your daughter

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