Disappearing act

I have to keep a sense of humor or I’ll go insane. In a handoff yesterday, Old Bro left dad at Mid Bro’s house on his way to work. Mid Bro gets home from his work less than an hour later – and dad has vanished. The search is on. Dad has conveniently lost his cell phone and had the Onstar removed from his truck.

Feb 24th

Last night Oldest Brother called to say Dad has disowned us all and he was going to call the police and say that middle brother had stolen his gun. Old Bro is supposed to call the social worker on Mon and confirm to them that dad has moved and is under someone’s care; otherwise they are going to have the state go pick him up and put him in the hospital for testing. Unfortunately, neither bro can go get him so dad doesn’t make the trip as planned. A day later, a call from a Sheriff alerts the boys to the fact that day was trying to get to them, but he was lost on a major Interstate highway. Old Bro went and got him and brought dad to Bro’s home.

Who’s the Caregiver for Dad?

To summarize a brief history, since Dad’s heart attack and surgery in 2003, followed by another surgery in 2004, I have been driving to his home once or twice a year to help him out with things like taxes, bill paying, getting his medications set up correctly and just enjoying his company. I’ve spent countless hours on the phone with him, with his doctors and helped him understand things. 2004 was the first year we realized that dad had a memory problem and would act irrational, especially about his health and doctor visits. He was diagnosed with Ischemic Vascular disease, which is caused by loss of oxygen and displays symptoms similar to Alzheimer’s.  With his health and mental capacity in balance, he was able to still live alone and take good care of himself. Slowly though, over the next two years, his short term memory loss was worsening. By 2006, the decline was severly noticeable and soon I found myself immersed in his troubles as calls & emails came in from various concerned persons where he lived. Little problems kept popping up, and I kept putting out the fires. The little problems got bigger and by 2007 I knew it was just a matter of time before we were going to need help and have to help dad make the decision to move closer to family or into an assisted living facility. As dad’s paranoia increased, along with the incidents with police, bank, social workers, health care professionals; and as his health declined, the flames of the fires were getting beyond my control. Several urgent events in which days were spent on the phones, weeks on the road back and forth, trying to keep the police and social services people happy during their elderly neglect/abuse case against me, and trying to convince dad to get to his doctors appointments. I’d leave him with everything functioning well, and another event would happen. Now, step in – the BROTHERS. In their efforts to now help, they inadvertantly set off dad’s paranoia stage so he got it in his mind that I was out to stick him in a home, take his truck away and spend all his money. At that point, he revoked my powers of attorney and attempted to get me removed from his bank accounts as a co-signer. He didn’t succeed with the bank because he forgot to follow up, but this past week he has done so. Now my hands are tied.

Spinning My Wheels today, going nowhere

I’m missing one finger nail, or the tip, on my right hand and it’s been driving me crazy for 3 days. I broke it off while I was cleaning a tricky part on a gun. Now I have 9 perfect nails, nicely rounded and just long enough past the finger tips to look elegant, then this one finger right in the middle jumps out at me – it’s torn to the quick and looks awful. Am I vain, or what? Ha! I’m combating a serious writer block today. I want to write today but my writer mind set is blank and I have so much work I need to do, I feel like I am spinning my wheels. My dad is supposed to have taken off from his home (bad weather and roads) early this morning to drive a couple hours north where he will be staying until he gets moved, and nobody has heard from him for hours, or at least they aren’t telling me? So I’m worried.  The boys are bored and hinting at the lack of food that should be cooking on the stove. And every time I get near the computer that finger nail looks at me like I did it on purpose. Not one of my better creative working days.

Senior Dementia

Today I wrestled with phones and fax as I dealt with the State Social workers doing some checking on my father, who has a form of Dementia which exhibits alzheimer-like symptoms. More complaints have come in and in his stubbornness, dad doesn’t want to move from a condo to any type of assisted living facility or even move closer to some of his family. Now the state wants to know if I am interested in taking my father to court to get guardianship and place him in a home. This is so hard for me. I guess I will take a week off and drive up again to see if I can put another bandaid on the problem as I’ve been doing for the past few years when trouble crops up. He refuses to admit he has a problem and wants to retain his independance, even if he doesn’t remember who I am sometimes or that he just talked to me yesterday. The car insurance people must love him – he’s been fixated on this one bill and so far has sent them about 8 checks to pay his one quarterly installment. Thank god they are honest! Same with his property taxes, I hear he’s been in to pay them 2-3 times a week for the past several weeks. They are just getting irritated. He’s so vulnerable right now and that really scares me.

Words of friendship

Each of us is a vital thread in another person’s tapestry;

Our lives are woven together for a reason.

One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a friend

Removing a Virus from computers

I just spent 3 days, no maybe more, trying to remove several virus forms from my son’s computer. Although I was successful at first in finding and isolating a few of them, there was a really bad worm AND a Trojan on there. After days of messing with this, I finally got on my own computer and bought some new software to assist me. I spent at least 5-6 hours today scanning, quarantining and finally – yes – at last! – deleting some of the most repellant things I have ever seen. I managed to save a couple of programs, photo files and such during the process, but it was touch and go there for a while.

What I want to know, as do many others I am sure, is where do these things come from and what drives people to put them out there? I cannot fathom why someone would create something like this and unleash it onto the sometimes uncautious public. One of them was traced to a Russo/European origination area. Is this some kind of terrorist thing directed at us (meaning non-Russo/European countries)? Or is it, as some suggest, an advertising gimmick to make you buy more stuff to protect what you have already bought. We have been fortunate here that the virus/trojan/worm gift pack that we received did not spread to our wireless server or any of the other computers in our home and office; although that isn’t verified yet. Maybe this is a head’s up – making me see that ‘paper files’ is still a much more valuable method of storing data than on a computer. I have always printed copies of my business work and run back ups at the end of each year of the entire data file plus periodic back-ups, so I am safe there (except from the fire hazard!), but my photos, some of my research and some of my writing are not stored away from the computer. In trying to become more ‘paperless’, I think I have let myself become too dependant on the computer. Lesson learned, more CD’s & Zip drives are in my future too.

Tax Tips for Writers

Tax season is keeping me busy, but I am not overwhelmed with work yet as I have been in past years. That will come at the end of March. One thing I have noticed the past year is that I am talking to more writers and getting asked many questions about what they can and cannot deduct from their tax returns. Here is a simple guideline to go by. If you have not set up any kind of business/corporation, you may still be able to write off deductions. In order not to be treated as a “Hobby” and get your deductions disallowed, you first have to treat your writing as a business which has a purpose to eventually generate income. You may still have losses for many years but it’s a good idea to start showing a definite, regular income after 5 years. You can do a little research on line or visit one of your local tax professionals to discuss the Hobby loss rules, which are numerous.

What kind of deductions can you write off? First, let me take the big one that most people think they CAN write off – that being part of their home, utilities and telephone. It’s an easy one – if you have income to offset the home office, you can use it. (Research ‘home office use percentages’) If you do NOT have income to offset, you can NOT use it in a home based non corporate business.  Rental of an office or even a second home used expressly for the purpose of writing is allowed.

Telephone. People always want to write off their telephone expenses. For a home office, if you only have one home phone and use it both for personal and business use, then NO, you cannot use it. If you have a SECOND line, such as a business line or a line for your computer (DSL, Broadband or dial-up); then you can write off your second line and any long distance charges that are business related from the first home line. Same goes for a cell phone. If you have a personal home phone and the cell phone is a SECOND seperate charge, then you may use the cell phone.

The above information should only be used as a general guideline for you to use in your research or discussion with a certified tax professional. If you are not trained in these matters, you should not use this information without consulting with a professional nor should you use it as a tool to avoid paying taxes or any penalties.

Coming up next time: What type and how much travel expense can I deduct? Can I fly to some exotic place such as Rio, Africa, Venice or just the French countryside and deduct the costs? What about the costs of tour guides or the costs of my spouse/children or other family members that go with me?

Book reviews

I’m enjoying a new relationship with some of the authors that I love to read. I’ve begun reviewing some great reads and learning that to really understand the message a book imparts, you must read it more than once. No more will I wiz through a half dozen books to pass time or conquer insomnia. Now I take time to enjoy the books I choose and learn more about the authors in order to present a well thought out commentary on my reading experience. To see some great, insightful reviews, visit the website: www.storycirclebookreviews.org

She Wolf

As I watch the rosy hues of first part of day, I raise my nose to check the breezes for news. Ahh, there would be meat today to help the boys grow strong. Glancing over my shoulder, ever diligent in keeping tabs on my offspring, I see the two young pups tumble from the den below and plow into their father. As usual, he growls at them and gives them a kick with his back paw, which only serves to invite them to practice their own growls. 

As I watch out the window at the rising sun, I inhale the fresh brew of my morning cup of tea. I need to go to the store today or we wouldn’t have much to eat for dinner. Glancing at the clock, I realize the noise I hear is my husband rummaging around in the fridge and wonder if the boys are up. A clatter in the kitchen and low growl of voice affirms that indeed, the boys have encountered their dad, who is not at his best without that first cup of coffee.

 I am reluctant to leave the den, to find food for my family, but at some point I must trust the others to watch over the pups while my mate and I team up to bring down some fresh food. You can only protect the young ones so much. Giving a low whine, I call to my mate. Spotting me on the hill, he rushes up. Sniffing the air, he turns to break away and chase after the game. Grabbing him by the ruff, I give a low growl of warning. He backs down, quivering with anticipation, then I give him a lick or two to smoothe the snarled tangles of hair around his eyes. 

I am reluctant to leave the house yet for my trip to the store, but I have to trust that the bus will come on time and deliver the boys to school for their daily dose of education. I called out to my husband to hurry up so we could beat the early shoppers to town. He comes into the room with coffee in hand and nuzzles my neck with a playful nip. Smacking his hand from it’s playful roaming, I turned to brush a lock of his unruly hair from his eyes and smile at his rumpled look with fondness.

 Today was a good day to be alive and after quickly capturing some tasty prey, we stopped on a hill to let the breeze blow through our manes to cool us down and lap up the cool clear water from a nearby spring. Sniffing some fragrant sage, we both roll around in the grasses and gorse to coat ourselves with the clean earth smells. Although being mated for five seasons, we still felt young at heart sometimes and liked to enjoy our inner pups. 

We made quick business of our shopping, surprised to find some fresh late season vegetables at the open air market. At the café on the hill, we stopped for a break and sat in the cooler shade of the outdoor tables as the breeze cooled our skin of the sweat that we had earned in our walk up the hill. As we sipped our cool drinks, we noticed the fresh flowers on our table, and being in a silly mood, my husband plucked a couple of petals from the roses, rubbed them between his fingers, then smoothed the fragrance on my cheek.

(copyright, R. Esakov, 2008)